Avoid crowds – stay home for the rest of your life
Believe you can’t speak – then you will never speak again
Count to ten slowly – 100000000000001 – 1000000000002 – 10000000000003
Deny that you ever said you would speak in public – even if you said you would
Exit stage right – or left
Flap your arms up and down – just like ‘big bird’
Get a life – public speaking is for show offs – like me
Hold onto your tongue until you turn purple or your eyes bulge out – a great conversation stopper
Insist on being paid – the usual fee – $5000 plus perks and a vegemite sandwich
Jump up and down on the spot and throw a tantrum – works for kids and me
Keep changing addresses – if they can’t find you they can’t ask you to speak
Leave it to last minute – then run
